Happy Hour at Chez Animal Hair Can I get you a drink?

Greg and I were going to go out to lunch today and I was tired of the same old places we do (which are good, but you know…variety and all that). So I created a Google map that showed all the restaurants near my work. I am lucky that there are several! I started looking at online menus and I was swayed by the fact that The Modern Cafe had a lamb burger and that it was really cute.

Once I got there and looked at the menu again, I decided I couldn’t resist the pot roast. Come on, it had mashed potatoes.

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Greg got the lamb burger:

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He could not stop talking about it. He mmmm’d and uuuuugh’d constantly. It was almost obscene. I had a taste of the tomato chutney (which was ultimately the reason I chose against it–stupid me) and it was luscious.

Good service, cute place, awesome food. We’ll be back. Oh and anyplace that has LUNCH happy hour is OK by me. Not that I could have any since I had to go back to work, but I’m with them on the sentiment.

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One of my new (old) friends on Facebook suggested this place to me. The first time Greg and I went (on Friday) we showed up two minutes after they closed. I’d heard they were newly open for dinner, so I thought they’d be open all day. Nope, they close at 2 and reopen later.

Anyway, I was anxious to try it so we went back on Sunday. I’m so glad we did. The pix don’t really do it justice. I was trying to be unobtrusive by using my cell phone camera with no flash.

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The Egg Strata at Hot Plate Diner.

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The Breakfast Burrito at Hot Plate Diner with fried potatoes. Those potatoes? Heavenly. I want to point out that I did NOT eat that whole thing. I ate about half of each the burrito and I shared the potatoes with Greg and we still brought half of them home.

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I got stood up for lunch today and ended up with one of the worst lunches in lunch history. But my horoscope said that I could do something creative with every resource I got today so I am writing a review. Maybe one of the boneheads managers at the place will find out about it and actually try to improve the food. But I am not holding my breath.
Greg’s boss wrecked our lunch plans. Isn’t it nice how much respect he has for Greg’s time and for me. I was stuck here at work with no lunch, no book to read, I’m not going to see Greg for 3 days (thanks to Boss) but *pisssshhh* who cares? Not him!

So I seemed to remember driving by a Burger King out here Nordeast Way. I went to Google maps to see, and I even used the street view, which showed that if I stayed on Central Avenue I would definitely run right into one.

So I did that. Guess what? The BK is closed. As in, never to reopen. So I’m thinking, great, I am in this sucky neighborhood, I don’t know my way around, so I decide to turn around and go back at the next intersection. I see Porky’s on the corner. Now my boss had gone there when they first opened and said it was awful. But she said it could be opening jitters, that they may have improved. I would not have chanced it, if I had no other alternative and if I was not starving. I had already missed the entrance, so I had to go around the block. I get up there; place my order (I just selected the first combo on the menu because I didn’t have to read the whole menu before they wanted to take my order).

Got my food, after reaching so far across the curb to hand over my money. Who designed the drive through window with a 3 foot deep curb? Honestly, people.

Did I mention I was starving? So I reached in to sniggle an onion ring. I pull it out and it’s like a warm-ish limp worm. There was absolutely no shape to it, it was actually wet; partly with grease and partly with condensation from throwing them (wet) into a baggie. But I tasted it anyway. Holy Salt, Batman! Jesus chimney I have never eaten an onion ring that salty. My hands will probably swell up like clown hands in an hour.

I got back to the office lunchroom and pulled my take out of the bag. A dry cookie loosely wrapped in a baggie fell to the floor and shattered. I pull out the cheeseburger, which is really more like a hard, flat disc. The bun is charred (or as I think of it, burned) the “meat” is paper-thin and two patties together are smaller than one regular McDonald’s patty (which we all know is not exactly large). The taste is very reminiscent of those cheeseburgers you get at SuperAmerica and heat up in the microwave.

Oh and it had a limp onion ring smooshed on top of it. The grease on the paper wrapper made it completely transparent.
I almost forgot, my drink cup, which was actually filled with 90% ice, 10% Pepsi had a whole in the bottom which leaked all over my car.

So lesson being, no matter how hungry you are, don’t go to the Porky’s on Central Ave in NE Minneapolis. When they opened they received many poor reviews on a multitude of websites, but apparently, they did not take it to heart. They have had ample time to clean up their act and have not yet done so. Do not give them any money. Next time I’ll take my chances on the vending machine in the basement.

Posted under Restaurant Reviews